Valentines Day is the shittiest holiday. If you’re single you feel like a turd. If you’re with someone you have to meet society’s expectations. Some “Bachelor” type experience where Brad Paisley comes out and sings a new song about how “Love is right around the corner” or how “love is knocking at the door.” The girl puts her hands over her mouth in amazement and the dude acts like it was his idea and not the producers. Love doesn’t knock on the door. It breaks into the house and while you are dancing to Brown Eyed Girl, it drowns reason in the bathtub.
I always feel like I need to be posting how much I love my wife on Facebook. When really it just feels like bragging. That maybe someone who’s alone might read it and it feel shitty.
I feel bad for people who are upset about being alone. Not because they’re alone but because they are under the myth that they are missing something. Surely they recognize the drawbacks of being with someone. That your time is cut in half, that your thoughts and actions must reflect two. That you must say things like “Yes, I see value in going to your masseuse’s wedding in Temecula.”
I don’t know too much about the kind of love you see on TV or in a diamond commercial. I do know about a woman who was so patient she let me film an entire movie over three years in her house. One who brought me from being near suicidal to regaining my life. One who is so human she wishes her enemies well.
None of what we have looks like posts on Facebook. Sure, I’ve bought roses but it never really did anything. Sure I said I love you and you look better than you did when I met you but she didn’t hear me. Neither of us hear those compliments. We’re too skeptical and modest too sit down and consider ourselves okay.
And then there’s my other thought which is if you want someone in your life lower your standards. God knows my wife accepted my shortcomings. 1. Financially unstable 2. Hangs out with 19 year old boys to shoot comedy videos 3. Clips toenails in bed 4. Has no real plan for the future 5. Has watched Step Brothers too many times 6. Has been diagnosed with mania. (Like Wrestle Mania? No, like absolutely koo-koo-mania.) And 7. Sometimes sits in the office crying and listening to Drake.
Also, don’t expect chocolates I mean, expect them, but don’t expect them to mean anything, to fulfill you in any way. Expect a long line at the restaurant and a frazzled hostess. Expect when you have your very best day it might be meaningless because your partner’s in the dumps. And if you’re lucky — if you truly are lucky - you’ll sit in the car for few minutes in the driveway and hear a song by an artist you both love (in our case Brice Springsteen) and you’ll both imagine a memory or a scenario that puts you at peace and has meaning. I know in my version she’s alway the lead character.
We were married on Valentine’s Day, ten years ago today. I love you M.